Amanda Palmer Gets Real About Her Insecurity

Prolific musician (and notable crowd funder) Amanda Palmer has written a painfully honest blog about the insecurity trap she sometimes finds herself falling into, explaining it as “evil comparison syndrome”.

It’s a crucial read for any musician feeling like they’re not quite living up to what their peers (or Instagram friends) are achieving.

In a public post on her Patreon page, Palmer writes, “It’s the deep, creeping feeling that you made all the wrong decisions when compared to the decisions that someone else made.”

She adds, “I started noticing this more and more as I slowed down my head and examined my thought patterns. It was Fiona Apple. It was Imogen heap. It was PJ Harvey. Lady Gaga. Zoe Keating. Ani Difranco. Lorde. It was my peers and semi-peers. The irony was hard to untangle: all the women whose music I loved and respected also made me shake myself and my past decisions with a disappointed frustration..That I hadn’t done it THAT WAY, that I didn’t have what THEY had. I was good friends with some of these women. That made it worse.”

She also explains wishing she worked as hard as Lorde when she was younger, saying, “I noticed at least six moments where I compared my choices and my life path to Lorde's. WHAT? How? Why? She and I are so incredibly different, and at such completely different points in our lives. But still, how deliciously tempting. ‘If only I had a mother from New Zealand!’ I thought. ‘If only I LIVED IN NEW ZEALAND’...‘If only someone had recognized my talent when I was 15!’. ‘If only I had released my sophomore album at TWENTY!’...”

It’s a great read (mind the f-bombs though), and a nice little reminder that we’re all great at beating ourselves up, especially when we’re making art. Read it here.